My "moment" mug ritual for self-celebration
How many times have you decided that you were unworthy of your desires because of a single flaw in your character, a bad habit, or a weak moment?
My “moment“ mug ritual began when I realized I needed to drink more water. I had used electric kettles for many years, but I kept making excuses for not using them. After some thought, I realized that it wasn't something that was supporting me in building a ritual; rather, it was something that I had on hand and used on occasion to make tea, but I wasn't really connected to it.
I'd buy one because of the pretty color or design, but I'd also replace it in an instant if it didn't fit my lifestyle anymore. It wasn't something I was particularly attached to, so I easily got rid of it when I felt “no longer needed it.” The reality is, I wanted to get rid of anything that was a clear reminder that of what I should be doing, but indeed was not doing.
One evening, I was on the phone with a mentor, and we were discussing my favorite subject: my workaholic behavior.
I recall realizing that I hadn't been giving myself enough space to use my "teatime" as a trigger for relaxation, as I had before. I was instead using it as a reward system. I realized that I had not been drinking tea because I enjoyed it, because it helped me, or because I was intentional in the herbal choice, like I used to be.
It had now become a part of my automatic "you need to stay hydrated" approach, and I only used it as a last resort if I didn't hydrate throughout the day. It was simply a last-minute band-aid approach to doing the one thing I had neglected all day.
It was similar to when I was at work in my office and sat there with a water bottle open right in front of me but didn't reach over to get a drink because I was so “focused” on my work.
So, to cut a long story short, hydrating myself became almost like a reward rather than a ritual, or simple a healthy intentional practice. It was something that I was very clearly taking for granted, but that alone did not force me into “appreciation.“ My problem was not a lack of gratitude for the privilege of having drinking water, but rather a lack of appreciation for myself. In this realization, I decided to get to the root of the three problems that were made clear: (1) releasing the belief that I need to nourish myself as a reward, and (2) being intentional with purchases that can integrate with a system of healthy habits, (3) holding myself accountable for the thoughts and beliefs that arise when being triggered by my environment, and lastly (4) developing a ritual and committing to it.
(1) releasing the belief that I need to nourish myself as a reward
When we experience guilt or shame surrounding our innate desires, it is easy to give into self-punishment behaviors. For me, I used self-punishment (not drinking enough water, or having my evening teatime) as a way to motivate myself to be more productive during the day. The problem with withholding basic needs is that is has detrimental effects on our mental and physical health. It did not take long for me to recognize that this form of self-harm stemmed from a history of similar tendencies that I developed as a teenager. If only knowing was enough to change your habits. Instead of being even harder on myself, I celebrated this realization by acknowledging that I had spent majority of my life with this set of habitual beliefs and behaviors, and now have made the decision to address them.
We hold this belief that by suffering, we build unbreakable character, but when we surrender to this ideal, we slowly but strongly develop “learned helplessness,” by which we now believe that we do not have influence or control over the outcomes in our lives, whether in specific or general circumstances. I have lived enough experiences to know what I do, and do not, have control over, but it seemed that I had to take myself “back to psychology school.“
I thought that was over “negative thoughts and beliefs,” but I had simple learned how to better manage my thoughts and reframe them into healthy and useful ones. This was powerful at the time, but now I needed the “next-level” steps that would create a true impression so that I know the behavior that I wish not to revisit. I recall being in the office and being offered a beverage many times, and while refusing being fully aware that my refusal was truly saying to myself “No thank you. I don’t feel that I have earned that yet, and I don’t want to inconvenience you.“ Like really? If I had simple said “Yes, thank you,” I would have felt relief; however, in my head, and my body, I was training myself to deny what I wanted because I wasn’t happy with my performance level. And why wasn’t I happy with my performance level? Because I knew deep down that I was not doing what I truly wanted to do. The work that I was doing was not for myself, and I felt I should have been spending my time doing other things—ones that better served me. But instead, I would just say “no.“
I am a firm believe in taking action immediately, whilst dealing with the emotional and mental states that contribute to our unhealthy patterns of behaviour. I don’t like to sit in things too long without making progress. So, I acknowledged what was causing me to make these uneahlty decisions, and decided that I needed to apply the same foundations of the approach that I had in the past when “changing my life around,” which was to educate myself on the areas where I was slacking, create a concrete plan with deliberate actions, stick to it and most importantly have fun doing it.
(2) being intentional with purchases that can integrate with a system of healthy habits
Intentional spending is something that I started paying closer attention to back in 2017, when I realized how much money I could have had if I didn’t have a closet full of clothes. In 2020, I became more aware of the importance of making purchases that aligned with how I want to feel in the future as it relates to my values, rather than how I felt in the moment based on my mood alone. Though, I still enjoy a good impulse purchase, I am even more intentional with that. I considered what my intentional investments would be. Time. Energy. Money. These are always what I come back to when making self-changing decisions. I created a mission: to appreciate my body and take pride in nourishing it. From my mission, I identified how I wanted to invest my time, energy and money to make progress.
To make maintaining momentum easier for myself, I like to create a list of at least 10 ways to satisfy each mission/goal. For instance, if I drank a full water bottle first thing in the morning, I would have that “feeling“ of satisfaction. Another example would be if I made a cup of tea just before getting into the shower, and then grabbed it on the way out, I would have that same feeling. There are usually multiple ways that we can satisfy our desires, but the desire must be clear not only in your mind, but in the way that you experience it in your body.
From that list, I decided that if I did one thing on that list each morning, I would feel like I am making progress. I allotted 10 minutes to doing just that. More than enough time. I did not judge how much time I spent making a decision, or if I were deciding based on laziness, or if I could have done more than the bare minimum. I just did something that worked in my favor, and allowed myself to feel good about it.
I also took into consideration my late night work sessions, which was an isolated challenge that I was improving. Some mornings felt lively, while some were slower. Based on my available energy, I would focus my intention on identifying what my body may need to feel replenished, whether that would be green tea, matcha, or coffee.
I decided that purchasing a keurig would be a part of my efforts to solve my problem. I knew that it could be a part of a system rather than just a device, which helped me connect with it more because it was something I associated with creating a ritual. In addition to that, I invested in to-go cups, which I now use one to-go cup and a couple of mugs, and create a tea station. I moved my Hatch sleep system nearby to remind myself with each morning to revisit this area. I also used sticky notes and markers as a part of a ritual that I already did, but incorporated into my “drink more water“ goal, which I explain below.
(3) holding myself accountable for the thoughts and beliefs that arise when being triggered by my environment
When I would spend my entire workday ignoring that water bottle that was right in front of me, I was constantly reminding myself that I was “not worthy of even a sip of water,” due to my history of being highly critical of myself, casually categorizing it as perfectionism. I noticed that this kind of thinking was present throughout many of my days. The books on my bookshelf were a reminder that I hadn’t finished my “one book a week challenge.“ The notes piling on my desk were a reminder of all of the unfinished projects that I didn’t make the time for. And the case of water bottles were a reminder that I was not appreciating something that people in not only other countries, but right here in the United States would consider a luxury though it is a basic human right.
Rather than sitting with this for too long, I decided that at the end of the day, I was responsible for taking care of me, and how I wanted my experiences to be from now on. I was already used to making pretty big changes and sticking to them, but this proved to be more challenging, provided the long history of not addressing the root causes. So, if I was not following my pretty flexible, yet intentional plan, I would acknowledge how I felt, and keep it moving.
I made a video on TikTok about holding yourself accountable for your decisions, one at a time.
(4) developing a ritual and committing to it
So, when I was making my tea and putting everything into the cup, I would write down a statement about how I was feeling or something that I wanted to celebrate, as long as it was something that was serving me in a positive way or generating a good shift for me. I would sit in that feeling for a little while, not to meditate or reach some level of enlightenment or gratitude, just to feel good about it. So, whenever I reached for a cup of tea, I wanted it to be a trigger to reflect on how I felt in that moment. I even started to leave a little bit of water/tea in the mug before going to bed, and in the morning when I made my tea, I would use that same water to make my new tea. That was my way of bringing any sweetness I had experienced the day before into the next day with me. That was my way of working in the practice of intentional gratitude.
Most importantly, it is essential to understand that the “ritual“ aspect will change as your desires and lifestyle, but remain grounded in the core reason behind creating the ritual—to appreciate your body to support your overall maintenance.
